0 REGRETS, 1,000 NEVER AGAINS

In this game of life, how many innings have you had where the bat and ball just wouldn’t connect for whatever reason? How many flashbacks have you cringed at? We’re always told that there should be no regrets and that’s true as they can often feel like hard punches to your soul. However, most adults have “that list”. It might be committed to paper or just hanging around in your mental space but it exists nonetheless.

What “that list” consists of is things that you have promised and swore to yourself that you would never do or subject yourself to again. This could run the gamut from jobs, sex positions, drug use, etc.

While I don’t regret any of my life experiences, there are a bunch of things that I would say never again to. They are, in no particular order;

1- Encouraging people I know to date each other– When the relationship goes South, which it will; you’ll find yourself caught in the middle of a diarrhea storm with no toilet tissue. You’ll find out things about these folks that you didn’t want to know. Look Kendra, I love you but its none of my business that Shawn in HR would beg you to fist him when he got drunk.

2- Interracial Dating– The fetishizing that we all do of folks from different backgrounds can inspire great sex filled with great dirty talk but after climax is reached, you realize how little you two actually have in common. Discussions can often feel like your partner is minimizing your issues and those of people who look like you. Not to mention how dicey things can get when family members are brought into the equation. Date who you want; I promise I don’t care. I’m only speaking for myself.

3- Lending money to others that I can’t stand to lose– If I’m lending out half of my rent or mortgage payment to someone and they don’t pay it back as agreed on, a case may have to be caught and my religion may have to be lost. Definitely don’t come in my presence with a new Iphone if your debt has yet to be paid. When money is involved, people get very funny and not in the Chris Rock “Bring the Pain” way.

4- Befriending people with Androids IMessage or die. ‘Nuff said. If we meet on Tinder and exchange numbers, those texts better come in as blue or we’re through. Grand opening, grand closing.

5- Using any condom other than Durex Extra Sensitive– Like most guys, I have a love-hate relationship with prophylactics. Finding one that’s thin enough for you to feel those ebony waterfalls in all their glory yet doesn’t cut off penile circulation is a skill in itself. Also, not having to slather lube on the jimmy hat to keep it from drying out is a definite plus. What puzzles me is why every other male in the universe is not using them.

I’ve got 995 more but I’d like to hear from you all. Please share yours in the comments.